Funny Christmas Quotes To Keep You Company For The Next 30 Days



You know it is Christmas when everybody has a fur jacket handy

Someone’s baking, perhaps burning the cake

Turkey or Chicken? Maybe a braii for South Africans

You don’t need to plan a house warming party, who needs the stress when everyone is home and happy… and stressing you out?

Can’t remember the last time you saw a movie with family and friends?

Try a new recipe. Got to be ready to add them kilos. Just for Christmas. A water weight never killed anyone. I mean what’s the holiday without food, right?

Isn’t everybody being so nice… mischief in the air? As long as the gifts are coming in…

Is someone going on a vacation? Shopping??? Sales!!!

All in the spirit of the season!!!

Let these funny Christmas quotes unleash the holiday spirit in you.

1. From home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas, brings us closer to each other – Emily Matthews.

2. Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal – Lenore Hershey.

3. One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales – Grace Kriley.

4. What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present – Don Marquis.

See Also: 20 Awesome Christmas Gifts – Ideas For Men and Women

5. I get the same thing for Christmas every year – deeper in debt – Melanie White.

6. For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway! – Anne Bristow.

7. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Clause… Claustrophobic 😀

Funny Christmas Quotes

8. Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name – Erma Bombeck.

Funny Christmas Quotes



9. A true Christmas miracle is when you manage to untangle all your Christmas lights from last year. Double miracle if they still work – Melanie White.

10. Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home – Carol Nelson.

11. Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money? – Tom Armstrong.

12. Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? – Arlo Guthrie.

13. Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money – Author Unknown.

14. He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree – Roy L. Smith.

15. When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs? – G.K. Chesterton.

16. If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.

See Also: I Cried All The Way Home – 5-Year Old Boy Gets His Christmas Wish And Dies In Santa’s Arms

17. There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus – Bob Phillips

18. Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas 🙄 .

19. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin – Jay Leno.

20. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall! – Dave Barry.

21. Dear Santa,

This year please give me a fat bank account and a slim body. And please don’t mix those two up like you did last year, Thanks.

Funny Christmas Quotes

22. The milk and cookies are still here but the presents are all gone! I think I’ve been robbed by a diabetic! – Albert Brooks.

23. Bloody Christmas, here again
Let us raise a loving cup
Peace on earth, goodwill to men
And make them do the washing up 😉 – Wendy Cope.

24. That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me – Jerry Seinfeld.

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