I love good jokes, everyone does. How do we know good jokes? People say it over and over again, we share it among our friends, good jokes make you laugh out loud, most times uncontrollably. That is exactly the kind of jokes that we have for you. Dirty, clean and short jokes that will crack you up. Some might sound stupid and lame but within, you find the humour that you need. Lets roll.
Short Funny Jokes- Hilarious Short Jokes
1. There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted.
2. What do you call a sleepwalking nun… A roamin’ Catholic.
3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
4. What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
5. Why did the orange stop? Because, it ran outta juice.
6. What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
7. Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow wh- MOOOOOOO!
8. Why did the storm trooper buy an iphone? He couldn’t find the Droid he was looking for.
9. Knock knock…who’s there? I eat mop. I eat mop who? Ooooo gross! (now do you get the earlier one?)
10. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
11. How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a light bulb?….. To get to the other side!
12. What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef stroganoff.
13. What do you have when you have two little green balls in the palm of your hand?? Answer: Kermit’s undivided attention!
14. What did one snowman say to the other? Nice balls.
15. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
16. Why did the policeman smell bad? He was on duty.
17. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? FOR DRIZZLE!
18. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee.
19. What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
20. What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
21. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino!
22. What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor? “Where’s my Tractor?!”
23. Have you heard about the duck that was arrested for stealing? He was selling “quack”.
24. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
25. How do you catch a unique rabbit? You ‘neek’ up on it.
26. What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
27. I used to date a dyslexic woman. I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.
28. What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing! They were both stuck up bitches.
29. A bowlegged doe comes walking out of the woods. Says “that’s the last time I do that for ten bucks”
30. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
31. What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind as he hits the windshield? His butt.
32. Knock knock- who’s there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub I’m dwounding!
33. The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
34. Why was Tiger looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
35. What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat mine
Best Short Jokes-Good Short Jokes-Short Clean Jokes
36. Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?
37. Who’s there?” … “Control freak. Okay now you say, ‘Control freak who?”
38. A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel hanging from his crotch. Bartender says, what the hell is that? Pirate says, I dunno, but it’s drivin’ me nuts!
39. What’s the difference between a straight woman and a bisexual woman? 4 drinks.
40. How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her!
41. What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
42. I used to be into sadism, necrophilia, and bestiality, but I realized I was just beating a dead horse.
43. Confucius says, when naked man walk through doorway sideways, he going to Bangkok.
44. Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? He was looking for a tight seal!
45. Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?”
46. A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve mushrooms here”. Mushroom says, “why not? I’m a fungi!”
47. I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong.
48. What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?…Ba-na-na-naaa!
49. How do you catch a tame rabbit? The ‘tame’ way.
50. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!
51. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hippa. Hippa who? I’m sorry, I’can’t tell you that.
52. What do men and tile have in common? If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them the rest of your life!
53. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two…. but I don’t know how they got in there.
54. Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!
55. Where does a bee keep his stinger? In his honey!
56. Why did the stop light turn red??? You would too if you had to change in the middle if the street!
57. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer, the bartender says sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.
58. What do you do with a dead chemist …. You Barium.
59. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull? – Lipstick!
60. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? European!
61. A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey Mitt! What’ll ya have?”
62. What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it!
63. What goes “ha ha thump”? A man laughing his head off.
64. What did the grape say when he was pinched? Nothing, he gave a little wine.
65. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!