I love good jokes, everyone does. How do we know good jokes? People say it over and over again, we share it among our friends, good jokes make you laugh out loud, most times uncontrollably. That is exactly the kind of jokes that we have for you. Dirty, clean and short jokes that will crack you up. Some might sound stupid and lame but within, you find the humour that you need. Lets roll.
Short Funny Jokes- Hilarious Short Jokes
1. There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted.
2. What do you call a sleepwalking nun… A roamin’ Catholic.
3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
4. What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
5. Why did the orange stop? Because, it ran outta juice.
6. What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
7. Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow who- MOOOOOOO!
8. Why did the storm trooper buy an iphone? He couldn’t find the Droid he was looking for.
9. Knock knock…who’s there? I eat mop. I eat mop who? Ooooo gross! (now do you get the earlier one?)
10. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
11. How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a light bulb?….. To get to the other side!
12. What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef stroganoff.
13. What do you have when you have two little green balls in the palm of your hand?? Answer: Kermit’s undivided attention!
14. What did one snowman say to the other? Nice balls.
15. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
16. Why did the policeman smell bad? He was on duty.
17. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? FOR DRIZZLE!
18. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee.
19. What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
20. What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
21. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino!
22. What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor? “Where’s my Tractor?!”
23. Have you heard about the duck that was arrested for stealing? He was selling “quack”.
24. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
25. How do you catch a unique rabbit? You ‘neek’ up on it.
26. What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
27. I used to date a dyslexic woman. I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.
28. What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing! They were both stuck up bitches.
29. A bowlegged doe comes walking out of the woods. Says “that’s the last time I do that for ten bucks”
30. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
31. What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind as he hits the windshield? His butt.
32. Knock knock- who’s there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub I’m dwounding!
33. The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
34. Why was Tiger looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
35. What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat mine
Best Short Jokes-Good Short Jokes-Short Clean Jokes
36. Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?
37. Who’s there?” … “Control freak. Okay now you say, ‘Control freak who?”
38. A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel hanging from his crotch. Bartender says, what the hell is that? Pirate says, I dunno, but it’s drivin’ me nuts!
39. What’s the difference between a straight woman and a bisexual woman? 4 drinks.
40. How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her!
41. What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
42. I used to be into sadism, necrophilia, and bestiality, but I realized I was just beating a dead horse.
43. Confucius says, when naked man walk through doorway sideways, he going to Bangkok.
44. Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? He was looking for a tight seal!
45. Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?”
46. A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve mushrooms here”. Mushroom says, “why not? I’m a fungi!”
47. I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong.
48. What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?…Ba-na-na-naaa!
49. How do you catch a tame rabbit? The ‘tame’ way.
50. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!
51. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hippa. Hippa who? I’m sorry, I’can’t tell you that.
52. What do men and tile have in common? If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them the rest of your life!
53. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two…. but I don’t know how they got in there.
54. Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!
55. Where does a bee keep his stinger? In his honey!
56. Why did the stop light turn red??? You would too if you had to change in the middle if the street!
57. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer, the bartender says sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.
58. What do you do with a dead chemist …. You Barium.
59. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull? – Lipstick!
60. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? European!
61. A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey Mitt! What’ll ya have?”
62. What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it!
63. What goes “ha ha thump”? A man laughing his head off.
64. What did the grape say when he was pinched? Nothing, he gave a little wine.
65. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
Short People Jokes
66. Q: Why don’t midgets need a wall to play handball?
A: They just use the curb!
67. Q: Why are gay midgets so appealing?
A: They can suck a dick standing up!
68. Q: How do you piss of a midget?
A: Give him a yo-yo.
69. Q: What did the midget say when I asked him for a dollar?
A: “Sorry, I’m a little short”
70. Q: Why do midgets always laugh when playing soccer?
A: The grass tickles their balls!
71. Q: What do you get if you cross a gay midget with Dracula?
A: Cocksucker!
72. Q: What do you call a Mexican midget?
A: A paragraph cause he’s too short to be an essay.
73. Q: Why are most midgets good guys?
A: Because they don’t look down on people.
74. Q: What does a midget model do?
A: Pose for trophies!
75. Q: What do you call a Chubby Midget?
A: Low Fat.
76. Q: What did the man say to his midget waiter?
A: No No No I said I wanted shrimp for dinner!
77. Q: Did you hear about the midget that overdosed on Viagra?
A: He’s a little stiff now!
78. Q: What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A: One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt.
79. Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice
80. Q: What do you call a midget with 3 legs?
A: Horny.
81. Q: Why shouldn’t you hire a midget chef?
A: The steaks are too high.
82. Q: What do you get when you cross a midget with a prostitute?
A: A little fucker about so tall.
83. Q: What bank do midgets use?
A: The Piggy Bank!
84. Q: Why can’t midgets wear tampons?
A: Because they keep stepping on the string!
85. Q: What do you call a poor midget?
A: Short changed
Short Jokes For Adults
86. Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
87. Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A: Because their plugged into a genius!
88. Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopis
89. Q.When do you kick a dwarf in the balls?
A.When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice
90. Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
91. Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran in front of the bus?
A: He got tired
92. Q: What has got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog!
93. Q: What do you call an afghan virgin
A: Never bin laid on
94. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.
95. Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.
96. Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
97. Q: What do priests and Mcdonalds have in common?
A: They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns
98. Q: Why is Santa so jolly?
A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
99. Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
100. Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Short Blonde Jokes
101. Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?
A: He didn’t know where to buy Left Guard!
102. Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache
103. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave his cat a bath?
A: He still hasn’t gotten all the hair off his tongue.
104. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who thought he discovered that he had a twin brother?
A: He didn’t realize he was looking in a mirror.
105. Q: Why can’t blondes take coffee breaks?
A: They’re too hard to re-train.
106. Q. Why does a blonde smile in a lightning storm?
A. They think their getting their picture taken.
107. Q: What did the mom say to her blonde daughter before a date?
A: If your not in bed by 12 come home.
108. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass him the blow dryer!
109. Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They drowned in Spring training.
110. Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A: It is the one with the kickstand.
111. Q: What do you call an all-blonde skydiving team?
A: A new version of the Lawn Darts game.
112. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn’t wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea?
A: He said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.
113. Q: Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?
A: He wanted to see what he looked like asleep.
114. Q: Why did the blonde quit his job as a restroom attendant?
A: He couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer.
115. Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
A: Double-dumb
116. Q: How can you tell if a blond is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.
117. Q: What do you call a blonde at university?
A: A visitor.
118. Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
A: He’s the one on his bike.
119. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
A: The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.
120. Q: Why did the blonde take his new scarf back to the store?
A: It was too tight.
Short Corny Jokes-Short Stupid Jokes
121. Q: Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
A: All of the fans left
122. Q: What did the duck say to the bartender?
A: Put it on my bill
123. Q: What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
A: A Cat-astrophe
124. Q: Why did the frog take the bus to work?
A: His car got toad.
125. Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.
126. Q: Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.
127. Q: What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?
A: Oh Snap!
128. Q: What did the horse say when he fell?
A: Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up!
129. Q: What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles?
A: UCLA
130. Q: Which U.S. State has the smallest soft drinks?
A: Mini-soda
131. Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
A: Bison
132. Q: How do most frogs die?
A: They kermit suicide!
133. Q: Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
A: They kept dropping their trunks.
134. Q: What’s the most musical part of a chicken?
A: The drumstick
135. Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!
136. Q: Why was the baby strawberry crying?
A: Because his mom and dad were in a jam.
137. Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
138. Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!
139. Q: What do call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho Cheese
140. Q: What’s easy to get into but hard to get out of?
A: Trouble
141. Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?
A: A heavy discussion
142. Q: What dog keeps the best time?
A: A watch dog
143. Q: Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
A: Because it’s a little meteor
144. Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: He neverlands!
145. Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed!
146. Q: How do you impress a baker when you’re taking his daughter on a date?
A: Bring her flours.
147. Q: Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit?
A: Because it was cultured.
148. Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller
149. Q: What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
A: A dressmaker sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.
150. Q: What do you give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid!
151. Q: What do they call cans in Mexico?
A: Mexi-cans
152. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite
153. Q: What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
A: Remorse code.
154. Q: Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
A: It was two-tired!
155. Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer?
A: The Space bar!
156. Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?
A: The month of March!
157. Q: What runs but doesn’t get anywhere?
A: A refrigerator
159. Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor
160. Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue with his pizza?
A: He ate it before it was cool!
